Life advice is almost always opinionated and based on personal life experiences, which makes it entirely subjective. Here are five common life advice phrases that I have debunked for a better understanding and a reframed mindset. Along with biblical support!
1. Just Stop Worrying
Just like any human emotion, a cognitive process such as worry can be an ultimate producer of anxiety or concern about something that is either out of our control or still unwritten.
Worrying is something that everyone deals with on a scale of minuscule to intense. Have you ever been expressing your worries to another individual, whether it be a friend, loved one, co-worker, or stranger, and they simply smile and say, “Just stop worrying”?
As simple and obtainable as those three words sound, there are a lot of layers to our reasoning. Fears, insecurities, lack of self awareness, and faith tension can all contribute to the background of this thought pattern.
Not only this, but the emotion vs. logic battle that is dealt with on a daily basis is a large factor. For example, you may know that it is unreasonable to hold on so tightly to the thought of a negative outcome, but a reframed mindset is what’s needed to support the logical side and ultimately defeat the emotional outbreak.
So… let’s reframe. Worrying doesn’t feel good, but it is just a sign that you are alive and not sociopathic. When a future outcome, analysis of the past, or even feelings of guilt for even worrying in the first place, rise to the surface, ask yourself the following questions:
- Does this thought have the power to change anything?
- Is it beneficial to be thinking about or like this?
- What joyful feelings of gratefulness is this worry stealing from you right now?
With these questions in mind, you may not be able to immediately stop the turmoil, but processing and sitting with this feeling and realizing it is temporary is important to “Stop Worrying” at a faster pace when this is practiced.
“Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” -Matthew 6:34
2. Comparison is the Thief of Joy
There is no doubt in my mind that when you were five and wanted that new toy that your friend had, sixteen and desired that sports car in a better color, or twenty-five and ensuring your wedding venue is more classy than your ex-bestfriend from high school, a parent or elder uttered: “Comparison is the Thief of Joy”.
It is important to note that from a young age, we are taught comparison. One is bigger, one is brighter, one is tastier. Houses, colors, foods, etc. But the part that our mind fills in all by itself is: one is better.
When this happens, we stop using comparison as the tool that it’s meant to be for data recognition and a big picture analysis, and we allow it to make us feel like our own personal joy is being taken from us. However, we are the sole holders of our joy, and the only thing that can take that away from us is ourselves.
The next time you catch yourself comparing either yourself, your situation, or your possessions to that of someone else, ask yourself:
- Would you trade your life for the full story of theirs, including the hardships, struggles, and problems that aren’t public?
- Is anyone really better?
- What does God say about you?
- What does God say about all of his children?
The result of these questions will hopefully dull the desire for difference, and encourage self-awareness and gratefulness for what is your reality.
“We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with those who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise” -2 Corinthians 10:12
3. All you need is a Positive Mindset
Think positive. Speak things into existence. Kill negativity.
Ah, yes, it seems so incredibly simple–when it’s someone else’s life. The key to a positive outlook on any situation is not only staying hopeful and seeking opportunities, but also staying grounded in realism. This could look like being aware of the risks without spiraling about what’s not in your control.
Radical acceptance is allowing yourself to be real in the sense of accepting something for what it is, sitting with it, and ultimately deciding to seek gratitude from there.
There is no faking it, no smiling through the pain. It is fundamentally going through the ups and downs of your emotions, choosing acceptance, and deciding consciously when it’s time to let go.
It’s important to note that every thought you’re faced with is on a different timeline with this. Issues that are big or small are all members of the same race inside your head, just waiting to be released at the finish line.
Make the choice:
- How long are you going to sit with this for?
- Are you reopening a wound that was starting to heal?
- Is your own peace valuable or not?
Eventually, the things that used to seem big, daunting, negative parts of your life will be in the rear-view mirror, and as you drive away, you can always expect more obstacles, but you can and will get through anything when you practice radical acceptance.
“Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer” -Romans 12:12
4. Hard Work = Success
The guy at the gym who is dripping in sweat and grunting while throwing around weights is arguably not going to be the most successful in terms of bodybuilding. Things are not always as they seem when it comes to success and hard work.
I am personally guilty of finding self-worth and identity in the amount of work I’m doing or the status of my academic ability. Wherever that comes from is not important; choosing to find a different source of identity to contribute to things like school and work in a positive manner is vital.
A pretty common misconception is that the harder you work, the more successful you are. Work smarter, not harder. A phrase I actually agree with, despite the entire purpose of this blog post. Being concerned with how hard you seem to be working can take away from the true drive or passion toward reaching your goal.
A lot of times, no one will understand or even support your ideas. It is up to you to ask yourself:
- What do I need to do to get where I want to be?
- What actions do I need to take?
- What daily habits will support this?
A big one for a lot of people is the daily habits that take away from their full potential. Doom scrolling, being ultra-invested in the lives of those around them, and just not fully prioritizing self-care are all going to limit your abilities to get what you want. Don’t waste your time; work hard, but for you, not for the opinions of others.
“Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain” -Psalm 127:1
5. Follow your Heart
Lastly, a statement of large controversy. Just follow your heart. This idea is quite vague and can lead to many unanswered questions and nuanced decisions with no direction.
Considering the balance of both your values and your tangible circumstances will make the choice of direction clear.
Intentionally reflecting on yourself, including your past decisions, future wants, and what actions align with the most fulfilling path, will lead you in that trajectory.
When faced with a fork in the road, you may want to uncover:
- Do your core values align with this choice?
- Is this decision practical given your circumstances?
- Will making this choice benefit your future?
One of my professors once instructed my class to write a personal mission statement. I encourage you to do the same.
Take a minute and write down a couple sentences of your core values, the impact you desire to achieve in the world, and your daily actions that would support those ideas. And just like that, you have your personal mission statement, and living by it will cultivate confidence and motivate you to continue the trend.
“My heart is glad and my body rests secure; in your presence is fullness of joy” -Psalm 16:9-11
I hope that these thoughts have invited self-reflection and the practice of mindfulness, helped reevaluate your thought processes, and assisted in making the most intentionally fulfilling choices that will contribute to your overall well-being!
